dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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