i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
