I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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