i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My ATM looks so different sober.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
