yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
