I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
