This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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