No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Floor bacon is actually really good
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
