Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
