All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
