i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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