Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
