You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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