Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
