Do vagina's smell?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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