ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
