if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
