I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
