he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Randomize
