did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
