Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
