my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
