her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
