So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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