jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
