smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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