Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
