THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
