Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
