I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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