i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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