A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
