Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
