Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
