we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
