I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
