I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
