How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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