Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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