his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
