You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
