I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
