wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
