remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
