you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
