I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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