Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
