i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
