jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
