actually, I'm a sock model
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
